remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
