I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
