i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
