If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
