the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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