So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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