your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
