So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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