If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
