Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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