And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
