Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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