they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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