Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
