I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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