She is in my trunk
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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