I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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