Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
