I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
