the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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