the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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