chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
