I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
