Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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