I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
