Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i will never coherently bang her
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
