No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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