Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
