My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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