if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
