Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
