I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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