I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
