woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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