So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have already put on my inside pants.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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