I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
