i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just tell him i said nine months
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
