Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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