life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just cut my nipple shaving
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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