God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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