why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
