Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
