Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
