Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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