i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
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