Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
