I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
