why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
