At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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