I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
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Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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