hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
