he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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