hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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