y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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