i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
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The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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