so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
