What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
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Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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