I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
