So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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