Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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