You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
