I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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