What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
