Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
