You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
