Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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