I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
