So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
