remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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